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A relationship that you cherished is over, but what if you're not over your ex, and you believe the relationship can be repaired? Here's how to convince your ex to give it another go.

Steps

1. Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming them, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that other people or circumstances contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for them; you can only apologize for yourself, so leave them out of it.
   • Offer the apology in the most personal way you can: in person. Ask them for just a few minutes of their time, perhaps a walk in the park or around the block, and bring them their favorite drink. Tell them you just need to get something off your chest, and all they need to do is listen, and you'll never ask them to do anything for you again.
   • Avoid using the word "but". ("I am sorry, but..." means "I am not sorry.") Also, do not say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you were offended" as it makes it seem like you are blaming the other person, and is not a real apology.
   • A true apology should be structured as follows: Offense, empathy, amends, thanks. Example: "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the times when you wanted to spend time with me, and I blew you off. You must've felt really neglected. I've realized I can get so consumed with my own life sometimes, and in the future I'm going to try really hard to pay attention to the people I care about so that this does not happen again. Thanks for helping me realize that."
2. Take a good look at yourself. When you first fell in love with your partner, what type of a person were you? In the beginning, your partner was attracted to you because they felt good about you, and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. Sure enough when things fall apart, others will tell you that people change. However, you should take a moment and think "Have I changed? Am I a better, happier person now than I was then?" If you can honestly say you haven't changed for the better...perhaps you've defaulted to some bad habits, or let your fears and worries get the best of you...Try to be that person who your partner was once deeply in love with.
3. Do not stop them from seeing other people. If you start to complain, cry, and whine, you will instantly drive your ex away to that third party! Human nature is as such that the more you stop them from having something, the more they want it. On the other hand, respect their choices and freedom. Do not let jealousy set in. Trust that if there was true happiness between you, and if your ex wants to be happy, they'll eventually see that getting back together is the best choice. They just need time to get through the fog of whatever caused your breakup.
4. Be available. If you're currently in another relationship, even if you're casually dating, you need to end it. Having people want to date you is enough to make your ex jealous. You don't need to actually date other people. This will only confuse your ex, because it'll make them think you're over them, or that you're deliberately trying to make them jealous. Taking a break from relationships will not only show that you still have feelings for your ex, but it will also demonstrate maturity and lack of neediness.
5. Fill the gap. Odds are, if you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. Sure, it's okay for someone to make you happy, but if they're your only source of happiness, you might become angry or sad whenever they're not around, and that can be very demanding for the other person! It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
6. Keep your contact with your ex friendly, casual, and lighthearted. If every time they see you or hear about you, all they see is the fun, happy person they first fell for, it's only a matter of time before your ex starts initiating more contact (especially if they know you're single). If it's meant to be, the relationship will fall back into place.
7. Make her think you're over her. It will make her want you more.

Video

This video discusses some ways to resist the urge to call your ex, so you can give your ex the space they need to realize how much you mean to them.

Tips

• If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again. Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time.

Warnings

• Some relationships just aren't meant to be. If the steps above don't work, at some point you'll have to accept the break up and move on.

Related wikiHows

• How to Have a Healthy Relationship
• How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain Friends
• How to Gain Control of Your Emotions
• How to Get Over a Break Up

Sources and Citations

• == Sources and Citations ==

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